Stepping Stones Pre School: Parenting Guide

Parenting Tips

Spend quality time with your children

Every relationship needs to be given care and attention parent can this a challenge as their own responsibilities of work and home can mean we are not always there for our children. Try to find a balance. The activity doesn't need to be expensive, just some quality time to chat and share can show our children they are valued in your life.

Express your love and affection

Children are never given too much love, however material gifts are not a good way of demonstrating your love. Show your love by giving commitment, attend an event that important to them or talk to them when they need you. This means the world to children & costs nothing.

Do as I say and not as I do

This is a terrible way to be a role model for our children. You can't expect a child to be everything you are not. Whatever you want for your child, set a good example. Think about what kind of adult you would like them to grow into and ask yourself are you being the best role model for child.

Building a child's self-esteem and resilience

A child's self-esteem is vital to them becoming an emotionally healthy adult. A child with a high self-esteem will believe they can achieve more and strive to do their best.
A child with poor self-esteem, who may see themselves as a burden, unimportant, unloved or not good enough, may find problems in pushing themselves. Building strong resilience in children will help them to face challenges and pick themselves up to try again whey things may not always go to plan.

Set limits and be consistent with discipline

Children need routines and have discipline, learning the right habits from early on will pay off in the long run, Ensure you remain firm on “non negotiable" things, an example could be using manners at all times or getting to school on time. If your child knows you can't be broken by tantrums or sulking they are more likely to conform. Too many rules are stifling and often children rebel, chose a few rules and stick to them.

Make sure the punishments are fair, appropriate and prompt

Children will need punishments and sanctions imposing at some point. Children naturally push boundaries and you need to be calm and in control. Sanctions are best applied when the child can win them back, grounding children can be effective but for short periods, they must be allowed to win back privileges, this also applies to also removal of electrical gadgets.

If you say you are going to do it - do it!

Never make threats you cannot carry out, “if you carry on I'm going to kill you" is not helpful. However “if you carry on playing your music that loud I will take it off you" is more helpful. Let them know exactly what the issue is and what's going to happen if they choose to carry on. Remember it is their choice, nobody is making them misbehave.

Don't make excuses for poor behaviour

If you excuse poor behaviour you are signing up for trouble. Blaming a child's friend can also deflect the responsibility for your own child's poor behaviour. Discuss with the child what happened and discuss why the behaviour isn't acceptable, sometimes a discussion is effective, at other times sanctions may be a better choice. It's a good idea to be able to escalate sanctions, for example confiscation of a mobile is effective, and you may not need to confiscate everything but may end up doing so if the child carries on with the poor behaviour.

If you are in a relationship, be a team

Decide on your boundaries as a team and back each other up, "wait till your father gets home" is never a good idea. Stick to your rules, you are the adult and deal with it there and then. Never disagree in front of your children, if you disagree, discuss privately and resolve.

Be reasonable and cast your mind back to how it was to be a child

There aren't many of us who sailed through adolescence, most of us thought our parents unfair or thought they didn't understand us at some point and perhaps we were right. Your children may feel just the same, communication is vital to happiness and harmony within the family. Enjoy these times as much as you can because they won't be children forever.

20 Tips for Parents From Preschool Teachers

1. Expect more

Most people have a way of living up (or down) to expectations - preschoolers included. "At school we expect the kids to pour their own water at snack, to throw away their plates, to hang up their jackets -- and they do," says Jennifer Zebooker, a teacher at the 92nd Street Y Nursery School, in New York City. "But then they'll walk out of the classroom and the thumb goes in the mouth and they climb into strollers." Raise the bar and your child will probably stretch to meet it.

2. Resist doing for her what she can do herself

While it may be quicker and easier to do it yourself, it won't help to make your child more self-sufficient. Quick hint: Appeal to her sense of pride, suggests Donna Jones, a preschool teacher at Southern Oregon University's Schneider Children's Center in Ashland, Oregon. "Whenever I'm trying to get kids to dress, put jackets on, sit on chairs during meals and so on, I'll ask them: 'Do you want me to help you or can you do it yourself?' Those words are like magic," promises Jones. "The kids always want to do it for themselves."

3. Don't redo what they've done

If your child makes her bed, resist the urge to smooth the blankets. If she dresses herself in stripes and polka dots, compliment her "eclectic" style. Unless absolutely necessary, don't fix what your child accomplishes, says Kathy Buss, director of the Weekday Nursery School, in Morrisville, Pennsylvania. She will notice and it may discourage her.

4. Let them solve simple problems

If you see your child trying to assemble a toy or get a book from a shelf that she can reach if she stands on her stepstool, pause before racing over to help. "Provided that they are safe, those moments when you don't rush in, when you give children a moment to solve things for themselves, those are the character-building moments," says Zebooker. "It's natural to want to make everything perfect, but if we do, we cheat kids of the chance to experience success."

5. Assign a chore

Putting your preschooler in charge of a regular, simple task will build her confidence and sense of competency, says Buss. A child who is entrusted to water the plants or empty the clothes dryer is likely to believe she can also get dressed herself or pour her own cereal. Just be sure the chore you assign is manageable and that it's real work, not busywork, since even preschoolers know the difference. The goal is to make your child feel like a capable, contributing member of the family.

6. Praise is key, especially if your child is not in a cooperative phase

Try to catch her being good. Kids repeat behaviors that get attention.

7. Develop predictable routines

Kids cooperate in school because they know what's expected of them, says Beth Cohen-Dorfman, educational coordinator at Chicago's Concordia Avondale Campus preschool. "The children follow essentially the same routine day after day, so they quickly learn what they are supposed to be doing, and after a while barely need reminding." While it would be impractical to have the same level of structure at home, the more consistent you are, the more cooperative your child is likely to be, suggests Cohen-Dorfman. Decide on a few routines and stick to them: Everyone gets dressed before breakfast. When we come in from outside, we wash our hands. No bedtime stories until all kids are in jammies. Eventually, following these "house rules" will become second nature to your child.

8. Lighten up

If your child refuses to do something, try turning it into a game. "Humor and games are two great tools that parents sometimes forget about in the heat of the moment," says Zebooker. When her own son, now 13, was in preschool, she used to persuade him to put his shoes on in the morning by playing shoe store. "I would say, 'Welcome to Miss Mommy's Shoe Store, I've got the perfect pair for you to try on today,' and I'd speak in a silly accent and he loved it." (I've had luck using this strategy with Sophie, who used to clamp her mouth shut whenever I tried to brush her teeth. Now we play the "Let's Guess What You Ate Today" game -- and she willingly opens up so I can search her molars for cereal, strawberries, or mac and cheese.)

9. Warn of transitions

If your child pitches a fit whenever you announce it's time to switch gears --whether that means shutting off the TV, stopping play to come eat, or leaving a friend's house -- it could be that you're not giving enough advance notice. "At school we let kids know when transitions are coming so they have time to finish whatever they're doing," observes Cohen-Dorfman. "If you need to leave the house at 8:30 a.m., warn your child at 8:15 that she's five more minutes to play, then will have to stop to put her toys away. Set a timer so she knows when the time is up."

10. Use sticker charts and rewards judiciously

"If your child is always working for the reward, he won't learn the real reasons for doing things -- that he should pick up his toys because family members pitch in," says Buss. Best bet: Reserve rewards for finite endeavors, such as potty training, but avoid offering them for everyday things, such as dressing himself or brushing his teeth.

11. Give structured choices

If, for example, your 3-year-old refuses to sit at the dinner table, you might offer the choice of sitting and getting dessert -- or not sitting and missing out on a treat. "At first, your child may not make the right choice, but eventually he will, because he'll see that the wrong choice isn't getting him what he wants," says Buss. Just be sure, if you want your child to choose option A, that option B is less attractive.

12 No ifs. Make requests in language that assumes cooperation

"If you finish putting away your crayons, we can go to the park," suggests that perhaps your child won't clean up his crayons. Try instead: "When you put your crayons away, we'll go to the park."

13. Prioritize play

Preschool teachers said over and over that kids today are less able to play imaginatively than kids of a decade or two ago. "Too much of their day is structured in supervised activities," says Haines. The antidote: Get comfortable saying "Go play." It's not your job to see that your child is entertained 24/7. Let her get a little bored. But make sure she has items like dress-up clothes, paint and paper, a big cardboard box, and play dough.

14. Do it to music

There's a reason the "cleanup" song works. "Set a task to music, and suddenly it's fun," says Sandy Haines, a teacher at the Buckingham Cooperative Nursery School, in Glastonbury, Connecticut. If you're not feeling creative, suggest "racing" a song: "Can you get dressed before Raffi finishes singing 'Yellow Submarine'?"

15. Encourage teamwork

If your child is fighting over a toy with another child, set a timer for five minutes, suggests Buss. Tell one child he can have the toy until he hears the buzzer, and then it will be the other child's turn.

16. Let your child work out minor squabbles

Instead of swooping in to settle disputes, stand back and let them work it out (unless they're hitting each other). You won't always be there to rescue your child.

17. Redirect

If your preschooler is jumping on the couch or grabbing for her big sister's dolls, distract her by asking if she'd like to draw a picture or read a short story together.

18. Prevent good-bye meltdowns

If your child is nervous about spending time apart, give him something tangible to remind him of you. Let him carry your picture; kiss a tissue or cut out a paper heart and put it in his pocket. Having something physical to touch may help him feel less anxious -- and short-circuit a tantrum.

19. Involve her in righting her wrongs

If you find her coloring on the walls, have her help wash it off. If she knocks over a playmate's block tower, ask her to help rebuild it.

20. Don't delay discipline

If you must reprimand your child, do so when you see her misbehaving, advises Buss. "Sometimes I will hear parents say, 'Wait until we get home ... ,' but by the time you're home, your child has forgotten the incident." Similarly, canceling Saturday's zoo trip because of Thursday's tantrum won't prevent future outbursts; it will just feel like random, undeserved punishment to your child.

The 10 Principles of Good Parenting

1. What you do matters

"This is one of the most important principles," Steinberg tells WebMD. "What you do makes a difference. Your kids are watching you. Don't just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, 'What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result?'"

2. You cannot be too loving

"It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love," he writes. "What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love -- things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions."

3. Be involved in your child's life

"Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically."

4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child Keep pace with your child's development.

Your child is growing up. Consider how age is affecting the child's behavior.

5. Establish and set rules

"If you don't manage your child's behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren't around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself."

6. Foster your child's independence

"Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she's going to need both."

7. Be consistent

"If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child's misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it."

8. Avoid harsh discipline

Parents should never hit a child, under any circumstances. "Children who are spanked, hit, or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children," he writes. "They are more likely to be bullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others."

9. Explain your rules and decisions

"Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to," he writes. "Generally, parents overexplain to young children and underexplain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn't have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have."

10. Treat your child with respect

"The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully," Steinberg writes. "You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Children treat others the way their parents treat them. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for her relationships with others."